God of the Empty Spaces

I've heard many definitions of what God is, what He does, and I've known Him to be both very close to me and other times seemingly unreachable.


Over the past few months, I've come to understand that to describe the God of my imagination is to put God in a box, to diminish Him 


 I have also started to understand that when I think God is not near, it's merely my point of view, limiting my ability to know God in that moment.


My blog has been silent.   


I have felt like I had little to say.   


I didn't want to admit life was too hard to describe, or that there was no good lighting for photographing my days.  I did not want to reach out from the darkness.   It became common to feel locked alone and silent.


Did God foget about me?   Not at all.    I just forgot to recognize Him.


The  other night, reading in my bed, I saw something written by C.S. Lewis, and I smiled because  He pointed out exactly where God is.


He wrote about those times when we don't  think we can walk another step, but we do.....when.we walk into another room and smile another smile, and give something from our heart to someone who needs it, that is God.


When we are at the breaking point and ready to give up............. but we don't, we keep going just a little longer, a little further, that is God.  


When we hear alot of bad news, but still we hang onto the slip of a hope and we carry it around with us, like a child with an old beloved blanket, that is God.


God is in the Empty Spaces.


In the Impossibilities.
In the getting out of bed when we thought we couldn't.
In the finding smiling patience when we thought we wouldn't.


God is in those place, all those Empty Spaces,
where WE never planned to be


when we keep on moving, speaking, believing in a better day
that part
is 
God.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

Every once in a while I stumble upon a book so vivid and alive I am forced to read pages more than once, crawl out of bed in search of a pencil for underlining, and tell everyone who will listen about the things I have learned from reading.

"A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller is just that sort of book. 

The subtitle of the book is, "What I Learned While Editing My Life".  Donald Miller shares with readers the experience of editing his life for the sake of a documentary movie.


And he shares something even bigger.  The truth is that as long as we are alive we can edit our life, we can tell a different story.  Let that soak in.  It is exhilarating to imagine how we might begin today to alter history by taking the first step towards changing our future, and even more importantly, the future of our world and the way life turns out for others! How much change? How many others? Each one of us will find our own answers if we are willing to awaken and fully participate in the precious gift of our life. 


Miller writes, "I thought about heaven, about how if we were shooting a movie about heaven, at the airport, we would want to shoot it there, and how in the movie, people would be arriving from earth and from other planets, and when the angels picked us up, they'd put us in their cars and drive a million miles for a thousand years...and it would be miserable....until we got to where we were supposed to stay......"


He continues, "I wonder if that's what we'll do with God when we are through with all this, if he'll show us around heaven, all the light coming in through windows a thousand miles away, all the fields sweeping down to a couple of chairs under a tree, in a field outside the city......."


"And we'll sit and tell him our stories, and He'll smile and tell us what they mean........I just hope I have something interesting to say".


If you enjoy thinking about life and considering the impact your choices and actions have on the lives of others, this book will feed your imagination.  If you have a desire to create a new story with your life, one that you would be proud to tell God or anyone, then this book will be food for your soul!

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Girl in Translation

"Girl in Translation" is a novel by Jean Kwok.  It is a coming of age story about a girl who moves from Hong Kong to New York at the age of 11.  What she and her mom dreamed was a chance for a better life following her father's untimely death, turned out to be a plan by an oppressive and greedy relative to find cheap labor for her factory.

As the mother worked long hours in sweat shop conditions, Kimberly attended school and found her niche in which to succeed.   After school, she joined her mother at the factory, and then they returned to a run down apartment without heat or furniture.

Though it seemed a dismal life, secretly these strong protagonists made plans to rise above the prejudices and family jealousies.  Kimberly earned a scholarship to a prestigious private school and developed a special relationship with one of the young men in the factory. 

In the end, goodness prevailed, hard work paid off, and the world seemed a much brighter place.  The story was interesting and well written.   The struggles and perserverence presented here are character traits worth striving for in any situation, but it seems especially important to consider how difficult it can be moving into a new culture and language and still finding a way to succeed. 

Whenever I read a story such as "Girl in Translation", I am moved by the courage in the face of overwhelming difficulties, and I'm left wondering if I could find it in myself to ever be so brave.

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My Name is Mary Sutter

Book Review #1

"My Name is Mary Sutter", written by Robin Oliveira, is the story of a second generation midwife who has a single driving desire, to become a doctor.   A victim of her time in history, this bright and courageous woman is refused admittance to medical schools and apprenticeships just because she is female.   Her spirit is frustrated but not broken.

The characters come to life beautifully as family, love lost, babies born, babies lost, solders, nurses and doctors.

When the Civil War breaks out, Mary is determined to take her medical skills to the field and help the soldiers,  with or without permission.

She is eventually able to work with a doctor in one of the makeshift hospitals full of injured and dying men.   If you like historical fiction or the Civil War period, this book will capture your attention from beginning to end.   I was led to consider so many factors about the war that I was never taught to think about in history class.  I had never considered how thousands of men, volunteering for war could be fed, given clean water, or kept healthy when they descended on an area.   It is sobering to realize this was a time without electricity, or phone lines, or running water.

I also learned that the most common injury soldiers suffered without being instantly killed was the loss of a leg from being struck by a musket ball.   Most of what the field doctor did was amputations.   Other injuries mercifully were mortal.   The amputations were described with great detail, which again gave me insight into the limits a surgeon had during this period of history.  Mary Sutter learned a great deal by assisting the doctor performing amputations in a primitive setting, and I did too!   Unfortunately, antibiotics had not yet been invented, so after surviving a brutal amputation, most men died from infection.

Let me state clearly, this is not a gory book.  The frank historical information is truth that cannot be ignored.  The writer handled it with dignity.  Mary is presented as a tireless character whose heart for medicine continued to push her onward through every imaginable heartbreak and set back.

Along with the historical and medical themes, there are are story lines concerning romance, family, and dreams lost and found.   I enjoyed every twist and turn of this story, and found Mary Sutter to be a character I will long remember with admiration.   Maybe she lived, maybe she didn't, but I have no doubt there were many women like her, unsong heroes in our country's history.

The Paradox of Older Children

Lately they come to me,
smelling faintly of
smoke and leaves
and other people's cars.

They come
for renewal and validation,
they come begging,
like street performers
hiding behind
tricks, or grades or funny stories.
Aching for approval or more often,
for money,
willing me to open
the mother wallet
and let the spirits move
to finance their dreams,
or their snacks,
or gas for their car.

They come to me
all false bravado and devil may care
never knowing
I see
the trembling hand
or lowered shifty eyes revealing
haunted hurting hearts.

At night
they come to me
still needing some small goodbye ritual
and never knowing
I can still see them
all blankets and thumbs and small feet kicking.

They come
with more questions than answers.
Evasive,
tilling secret gardens,
proof they are growing away from me,
don't need me

But still,
they come.
Finding their way
in from the cold
They let me reach for their hand
For a moment
I pull them close and smell their hair
and know they are mine.

Even
Behind stubble and bangs of a nameless color.
they still sweat grass and pool water and wind.
mixed with a secret scent we share,
branded onto my heart
from the first day
I knew them.

Even though they have again stolen my sleep,
overtaken all my prayers
and recklessly wrapped themselves up
in most moments of possible peace.
There is hope
echoing
down the hallway
because
they come.
To me.
To home.
Where
hearts still open wide.

Yoga for the Brain

I recently discovered an art form called Zentangles!

The idea is simple. The outcome is an intricate and complex design. The process is something of a meditation. Claims of clearer thinking, relaxation, better decision making, and more are touted by those who learn to Tangle!

There are a variety of good sites online if you want to learn more. Basically, you need only good quality paper and a black fine tip felt pen to get started. You can find instructions for different Tangle designs online. I also ordered a book which teaches designs step by step.



Getting started is easy. Choose the size paper you want to work on. Small squares about 3 x 3 inches are good to work on. Using a pencil, put a dot in each corner. The second step is called "threading". Think of what it would look like if a thread dropped randomly onto your paper. Starting on one dot, draw a continuous line of loops, circles, or other shapes until your pencil has passed lightly over each of the corner dots. Your design can have many separate spaces or only a few. Then you work on each individual shape by itself. One space at a time. You will be amazed at the end result!

Oh! After putting the dots in the corner and then connecting them, put your pencil away. From now on in the Tangle, you will use only a pen. There are no mistakes, just unexpected art!

This method of drawing connects the brain and body in a unique and comforting way. If you are looking for a way to relax, maybe you will give it a try.

Below you can see a sample of my "tangling". The second image is by my 21 year old son who developed an interest in this art form! He claims he cannot draw and the Tangle pictured here is only his second try!

Welcome to my new Blog!